The fog caused by sin and backsliding that I have lived in for the last 20 years is beginning to lift and I can just now begin to see the path that lies before me. For 20 years I lost my way and near the end I had given up hope that things would ever be right. God intervened with in His sovereignty, mercy and grace and I for one can tell you that He is indeed, a God of second chances. You can hit the reset button and start over if you just seek Him, seek repentance and truly mean it.
This being said, I now understand that some styles of worship work for me better than others. Like everyone else, we come in different shapes, sizes and colors. I am clearly not cut out to be a emotional worshipper nor am I prone to overwhelming feelings when worshipping. In school I have been to exposed to different forms of worship and not all of them are music based or "lay prostrate on the floor in a supplicating position" based. The one form of worship I was introduced to is in-depth examination of Scripture. Although I am prone to my outbursts of emotion and occasional inability to physically stand erect before the face of God because of the weight of my sin, these outbursts and spinelessness are the exception and are not my primary modus operandi when approaching God's throne of grace and mercy.
I realize that many look at me with a raised eyebrow and view me as being awkwardly eccentric on occasions when I make statements like, "what this verse is really getting at in the Greek is..." or "the significance of that verse to the 1 century Christians was..." When speaking of God I am occasionally asked where my statements of "love" and "feeling" are for the Lord and I believe others (even within my own church believe this is proper way to worship). If I ain't "feeling" or "singing" I ain't worshipping correctly. They believe that these types of signs are proper manifestations of a healthy spiritual relationship with the One Almighty God. I respect their opinion but heartily disagree. To assume we know the forms of worship God preferred is to elevate ourselves to the level of God or diminish Him to our level. BOth of these ideas are laughable. Personally, my intensities are poured into my passion for the Word. Just as the Bereans were in Acts 17:11.
"Now the Bereans were of more noble character than the Thessalonians, for they received the message with great eagerness and examined the Scriptures every day to see if what Paul said was true."
Do I scan and examine the scriptures because I do not believe? May it never be! No. I do it for discernment, to valid what I have heard interpreted with my own exegesis of the scripture so that I know (1) that what a preacher or speaker has just said matches with the meaning in scripture through correct hermeneutics and (2) sometimes a preacher will only give a piece of a much wider picture because their application may not require and entire chapter breakdown during a sermon or speech.
It is becoming more clear to me that my best form of worship and exaltation of Christ is in my analytical nature and the learning/application and by default the interpretation/exegesis aspect of my life. This is the best way I believe I can be of service to my brothers and sisters in Christ also. I must thank my wife and the Lord placing on my heart to have realized this. My truest worship manifests itself in my love of the Word as I can better relate to God, to Christ and to the Holy Spirit. Theology: Theos: God, -ology: branch or area of study. Theology...an understanding and learning of God and all His aspects and how our lives and world relate to Him. Yes, I do pray and worship, listen to edifying music that leads my thoughts to Him but for me the most direct uninterrupted way to Him, is in the love of His word. It is truth. I love His Word.
Much of my worship is cerebral and through my mind and an intense burning to "know" the Lord through knowledge of Him in his Scripture. Not like the Gnostics did though, but to study things like his attributes in a systematic way that encompasses the entire spectrum of theology. For me the beauty of God is in his perfectly ordered creation. There is a beauty in the words that describe God and His perfect order and His perfectly ordered and inspired text (the Bible). I do not worship the order but the wonder of God's power and intelligence that could produce something so ordered as the system of the universe (Gk: κόσμος) kosmos. The Greek word for which means "an apt and harmonious arrangement or constitution, order"
This order pervades the creation from the microcosmic level to the macrocosmic. The most emotion I show, if you can call it emotion, is manifest when I am interpreting and expounding in and on the text of Scripture either studying it or talking about it. Describing its purpose, meaning, its Divine source. Those near me can see it in my eyes. A fire burns in me that goes deep and directly to my bones. I (and others) can sense it when I am in "go mode" (although it is not a feeling per se). I have been told that others can see it what I get in that "zone", I get the 1000yd stare and become disconnect from my surroundings. Something working within me wanting to get out in the form of properly worded and explained interpretations from Scripture and its contexts: historical, physical and so on. To tell a story. I guess it is this fire that is burning off the surrounding fog and making better visibility in my Christian walk. I see things more clearly now.
I believe this is where I can best glorify Him so it is no surprise (I suppose) that this is where I go when I need bolstering and edification for myself. I go to my studies. Whether it be in the 103 degree weather we had here in Pennsylvania this summer or at 3:03 am two nights ago. It makes no difference to me. When I hear the call, I answer it. It is why I am learning Greek. It is why I will learn Hebrew. It is what I am and I believe it is why God made me. It just took me longer than most to find my way to the starting line. For 40 years I had no idea what all these odd tools were for in my toolbox. I think I know now.
So this is where I find myself now.
Where do you find yourself? I was given a list of generalized templates of other types of Christian worship from one of my professors and I will list them below. Obviously no one fits perfectly into any particular box and many people will bleed over into other categories but I ask you again. Where are you? Are you trying to jam a square peg in a round hole like I was? God doesn't always expect you to be a good singer or a fantastic worshipper. He just wants you to worship. If you would only call His name.
Traditionalist: Meeting God through ritual and symbol. These types lead structured lives, disciplined lives. They find unstructured free-form worship uncomfortable. Although I do not fully agree with the idea of vain repetition...if people can approach God this way (for real), may God bless them.
Sensate: They meet God with the senses. Seek to be overwhelmed by sight, sound and smells. Their truest experience with God is in liturgy, art, music. Please note I did not say worship of the person making the music or worship of the art. These types of people see the beauty of the act of creation. The beauty in the color and sound.
Activist: They meet God on a "battlefield" where they fight evil and share beliefs. They are extroverted and find this type of worship and devotion fulfilling. Notice I did not say that this is someone that walks up to others, punches them in the mouth and says, "God wants to know you in a personal relationship, accept Him now...or else!"
Caregiver: They meet God through loving others. They build their strongest relationship by serving others. Their compassion and open hearts brings them in direct contact with the poor and needy. Please note I did not say humanitarianism as an end result in itself where the act of helping is related to a work of salvation. Only Christ's work on the Cross saves us. Humanitarianism is a manifestation of the Spirit that is within us.
Naturalist: They meet God outdoors. They would rather worship God in outdoor activities than in a stuffy building with little or no windows. Please note I did not say Panentheist or Tree hugger or those strange people that cry when old trees get cut down.
Intellectuals: They meet God with their minds. They meet God through study. They long to understand more than "feel". I did not say worship or the intelligence itself as a means to and end or the accolades wisdom brings. Besides, without God it would be worthless anyway, just ask Solomon/Qoheleth
Enthusiast: Meeting God through celebration and jubilee. They are the emotional people that want to be excited, cry, shout, sing. I did not say God loves a party animal. God did indeed love celebrations that brought people and families together as Jesus himself attended the wedding at Cana in Galilee and by so doing gives great honor to the institution of marriage also.
Contemplative: Meeting God through adoration. Seek a deep love relationship with God. Most content at the feet of God. But they will not be doormats for the world.
Ascetics: Meeting God in solitude and simplicity. They long for solitude. If they were secular you would expect them to be Goth. They are drawn to simplicity. Although these people have some of the best relationship experience with God on their own. Their best fellowship with other people is in church functions.
These categories are not the only types of worship and this list is not an end-all. There are others and I am sure some will reply and tell me. If you do so and they do not contradict Scripture I will be sure to put them on this list and mention them to my professor. As long as you get the doctrine and theology right...you can pretty much move to the beat of the drum God gave you.
Can I get and amen?
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