Hatebox: The Best Revenge is to Forgive

We have a duty to forgive others. In truth we have a duty to forgive ourselves too as wrongs that remain unforgiven only work to destroy us inside. Resentment, the emotion which opposes forgiveness, was given to us by God but when we can’t let it go we misuse that emotion for purposes it wasn’t meant for. When we don't forgive we turn our heart into a hatebox that accumulates wrongs. Resentment has a legitimate scope but not to the extent that it turns to sin. 

Jesus told us: Matthew 5:22-24 “But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire. So if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.

The conditionality is that we seek to be reconciled. That we ourselves forgive. Resentment or anger per se is not a sin. God knew we’d get angry about things. We just need restraint and not allow it to mutate into sin. 

Paul said: Ephesians 4:26-27 Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and give no opportunity to the devil.

When I looked long and hard at my periods of unforgiveness and resentment I realized they were reactions against injustice, and not against mere pain. Anger is in fact a legitimate moral emotion as a reaction to inequality. God did not expect us to be unfeeling drones. When I looked even deeper I realized my resent over the injustice didn’t arise against the one who unintentionally hurts me but rather the unfeeling act perpetrated on me. I’ve learned not to attribute to malice that which can be explained by ignorance which is 95% of the time. So to remain angry at the person is pointless. Most people are oblivious of sins of omission…hence the word omission. They’re blissfully unaware.

Unfortunately anger is an emotion which prompts instantly to confrontation. It prompts first to reaction rather than thought. Then actions come, usually bad ones. We act on impulse imprudently. It's an issue of lack of control. Through our lives anger was a series of cause and effect with no pause after the cause. I believe this reaction is imprinted in us from birth or at least from a very young age. Anger is the natural reaction to attack or insult as a self-defense. I am certain God implanted this in us. To become angry is not sin as it is an emotion from God for a practical purpose. I mean, look around, we live in a world full of aggressors. This is especially true for a Christian who is a person that believes in God….whom the world hates. Therefore anger is legitimate response.

Paul says be angry and sin not. We need to also realize that Christ’s perfect holiness did not forbid His being angry.

Mark 11:15 Then they came to Jerusalem. And He entered the temple and began to drive out those who were buying and selling in the temple, and overturned the tables of the money changers and the seats of those who were selling doves…

As a balanced emotional person it is expected you will feel happiness AND anger. If not you are unbalanced and immoral as these emotions are a sign of balanced morality. Anger stirred by resentment of unrighteous acts is normal. If you don’t have anger in situations that demand them you are likely incapable of seeing the world properly through a Biblical lens. Therefore at the heart of the issue is spiritual immorality or sin. We all know people that take great joy in being miserable all the time. This is an immorality and immaturity issue. To not control anger that leads to retaliation is to remain a child. When we become adults we are to put away childish things.

If we are the type of people to say that our indignation only arises when we see our neighbor’s doing wrong, not ourselves, then we are being hypocritical. We are deceiving ourselves in denial of our own sin. Sadly many Christians do this and are roundly hated for it. They see the speck in their neighbor’s eye and gleefully point it out while ignoring the plank in their own. If we only anger seeing the bad actions of others and then not forgive we become the object of the wrong instead of our neighbor because of our unforgiving attitude and hypocrisy…we are just as guilty.

The Bible requires you to love your neighbor as yourself, not more than yourself. People who overreact to the wrongs done to them while ignoring their own behavior are people who do not know themselves or don’t take honest stock of themselves. These people tend to be the most vindictive of all. We need only look at the Sadducees and Pharisees of Jesus’ time. Their anger was the most volatile for a wrong perceived and the most vindictive to retaliate. It’s the retaliation that is the sin not the anger. The Mark 3 passage illustrates this clearly as it contrasts Jesus’ anger against the Pharisees.

Mark 3:1-6 Another time Jesus went into the synagogue, and a man with a shriveled hand was there. Some of them were looking for a reason to accuse Jesus, so they watched him closely to see if he would heal him on the Sabbath. Jesus said to the man with the shriveled hand, “Stand up in front of everyone.” Then Jesus asked them, “Which is lawful on the Sabbath: to do good or to do evil, to save life or to kill?” But they remained silent. He looked around at them in anger and, deeply distressed at their stubborn hearts, said to the man, “Stretch out your hand.” He stretched it out, and his hand was completely restored. Then the Pharisees went out and began to plot with the Herodians how they might kill Jesus.

If we look at this scenario from both sides we see that the resentment Jesus manifested is in defense of the purpose of the Law which in itself is a ‘self-defense’ as the Law is God. The moment the Pharisees/Herodians seek retribution it erupts into full-blown sin. Jesus immediately moves on to other miracles (and the crowds follow) but the religious leaders leave disgruntled and intent on murder.

So perhaps you were wronged and the wrong was properly punished. Your resentment and anger must then stop too. You must be restored to former relationship prior to the wrong not continue to harbor resent. You must move back to: Love your neighbor as yourself. It doesn’t mean the person who wronged you was innocent nor does it mean they changed…it just means they stopped the unrighteous behavior and you forgave. The change doesn’t just stop with their ceasing of wrong-doing but your willingness to forgive and overlook it moving forward. Forgiveness manifests the mercy and grace of those wronged. If we refused to forgive because we are wronged by sin there would never be any forgiveness since we’re all sinners and constantly sinning against not only one another but to God. Yet God is/was willing to forgive us. A forgiveness without which, we're doomed. There will be times when forgiveness is the only valid option. 

Let he that is without sin cast the first stone…otherwise...forgive.

Therefore we love others even when we don't want to. Even love our enemies that wronged us. Except of course in those tenuous situations of self-defense where anger is a protective measure defending righteousness or that which is good. We’re Christians not doormats. Love is obligatory. We must love our neighbors and our enemies. Loving them means forgiving them for an affront that was remediated or made right. We don’t necessarily need to like enemies but we do need to love them. Sometimes that means praying for their own stupidity and pointless attacks on us. Just remember though that true forgiveness expects a change in behavior. Forgiveness that doesn’t expect a change is only enablement.

That means real forgiveness at its root…is to choose not to retaliate or suppress the sinful urge to attack. A forgiving person will not return wrong for wrong (lex talionis). Instead of returning hatred, returning compassion and kindness even when it doesn't appear warranted. Please note though that our duty to forgive is not grounded in the belief that unjust hostility and violence deserve no retribution. They do deserve it by their strict moral desert. It is God though that is the judge and punisher. Vengeance is the mine says the Lord. The duty of forgiveness is for us but the actually ability to forgive is God’s alone. We merely assume an act of love in God’s stead so we can ultimately open a door for His providence. The ability to act in grace and forgive is delegated from God through us to the transgressor. Why? All sin is against God, not us.

Loving one’s enemy therefore aims to minimize natural evil and provides no higher calls for retribution. Sin and suffering stop at forgiveness’s doorstep and cannot enter to wreak havoc in love's household. We have the ability to stand in that doorway and refuse sin's entry. We have the ability to turn away hostility before it even enters our lives. 

We have a duty to God, to those we love and our neighbor to protect them from this. Yes, we even have a duty to protect enemies. Do unto others as you’d have done to you. In this way we begin to repair broken and hateful relationships. In this way we repair broken hateful societies. It really is about forgiveness and it’s not really a request, it’s a responsibility to God and man. Forgiveness sets a slave free and that slave is you. It is the entire story of the Cross.

Matthew 6:12 …and forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive them that trespass against us.