March 25, 2011

Disobedient Sleep and Hell's Carousel

You know you've done it. You claimed it was depression or that you were sick (and perhaps you were sick with sin). But you closed your eyes to hide from reality. Your life had become a wreck due to bad sinful choices. Please note I am not talking about a flight from or denial of reality because of tragedy or loss, but failure in life due to outright rebelliousness or disobedience to God or His statutes, precepts and/or laws. You have sinned or continue to commit a sin and you have a hard time living with it. It plagues you in your waking alert hours. It hovers like an omnious cloud and it brings storms and rough going in your life.

It only hurts when your eyes are open. It hurts when Truth is spoken. It even enters into the dreamtime, the reminder that something is broken. So you avoid life by sleeping all the time and even then the sin haunts you because you don't repent of it. Admit it, you've done it. It is the only place you feel you can avoid your guilt...avoid God. Of course that is no different than Jonah. Its a trick you learned about after you broke it off with your first boyfriend or girlfriend...or a broken marriage. Lies. Guilt of decieving. No consciousness, no grief or pain. Only your dreams, right? Wrong.

Eventually reality bleeds over and becomes part of your dreamstate also. Truth is, you cannot out run or hide from God here either. The one that made your mind and allows your dreams knows how to enter them and even use them. Even sleep is not a release from your conscience.

It wears you down. In a crippling remorse and an inability to deal with and confront the world. Guilt plagues your every waking moment. Anxieties paralyze your movements. Dread at the very core of your being immobilizes your life until you become dysfunctional. It rots your bones and you can feel its decay in your very soul. You feel like you are paddling upstream in a sea of wood. You are expending a ton of effort to move away from what plagues you but you are getting nowhere. Contantly moving in circles like a carousel horse but never actually getting anywhere. Always spinning around only to come face to face with the sin. All the while the cachophany and chaos of a confused life gone awry. The sound of strange laughter and a twisted music of your life that has become a circus and it is the soundtrack of a depraved mind.

It doesn't have to be like this. You need to turn to the One who can heal this wound of sin. The reason it plagues you is because you are in a spiritual warfare and the inability to let go of the guilt is a combination of your disobedience and persecuation by the powers and principalities that have managed to infest you and hang on like spiritual disease. You must call on the name of Christ to force this parasite to release it grip on you. You must call on Christ in repentance as He is the only one that can pull you out of this self-imposed mental and spiritual prison.

If you do not accept him and do not repent this hellish carnival can and will be your life, it will become your future and it will become your eternity. Will you repent or will the demonic chorting plague your dreams still? Round and round life goes in a dizzying and nauseating spin. Light blurs. Sin blurs. Good and bad cannot be differentiated. It all looks the same. Confusion or truth? How can you know?

Call on Him. Pray to Him. Read His Word. Accept His work and believe.

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